This time stuff. Tricky fluid. Some moments moving too quickly when life is desperately late; the next moment dragging treacle slow, waiting for the world to catch up. But always, relentlessly, moving in one direction.
No amount of looking into the past changes the future. And gazing hopefully into the future is only second guessing what's around the corner. Each day that brings happiness justifying that hope.
Fires gone out. Feet chilled, warm head with a beanie hat pulled down over my muffled ears. Warming my thoughts.
On Wednesday, Kate would have been 50. Five-oh. A landmark amount of time beneath her little feet. Alice remembered to remind me, but - despite my frankly dire ability with a calendar - it's a date that's burnt into my mind. I feel for myself, and the kids, that I need to celebrate. However hollow that may seem.
And I have some very understanding friends who can cope with my feelings. Having to share me with a memory. Thanks to all and one.
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